Coaches. Mentors. Good Parents.
Things taught are only as good as they are remembered. My aunt Janet taught me about honesty and how to achieve it through conversation. Today we had a celebration of life for Janet with friends and family attending from as far away as Alaska.
She sat with me in her front yard nearly a hundred years ago, teaching me how and why to look someone in the eye when your talking. It’s a mark of honesty and she wanted me to experience and learn it.
Here is my eulogy I prepared for the celebration.
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Hello, I’m Gene, Janet’s oldest son … by another mother
I grew up on a farm with tons of things to do and animals to hug but hardly anyone to play with. You can imagine how large my eyes grew the first time Janet and Byron came to the farm, they had KIDS. I’m not sure how old we were at the time, my first memories are with Nancy & Joni. We found all kinds of things to do, along with getting into trouble every once in awhile. And who knew little puppies knew how to swim.
Each and every time the family started preparing to leave Janet would find me, kneel and ask me if her kids behaved, did they stay out my dads way (Woodie owned and operated a four-hundred acre dairy farm) and did I have fun. Then she would give me a big hug and say goodbye. She never missed, the questions, the hugs always before she left.
When I was in my late teens, Janet and her family moved into the farmhouse next door. It was an interim place to live until they could find a home in River Falls. For some reason I would periodically stop by to say hello. In hindsight I believe it was the constant mothering of me that she had been doing for years.
It wasn’t long before Janet started saying to me, “Sit down, let’s talk.” Honestly, I tried avoiding these conversations, as she asked so many questions. At one point, she pulled two chairs out onto the lawn, set them down side by side, and said, “Sit, let’s talk,” and I sat!
She asked about every topic I wanted to avoid: school, girls, dating, driving, drinking, religion. You name it, she wanted to talk about them. In the beginning, I tried to dodge answering her, but then she would stop and say robustly, “You need to look at me when you are talking to me! You're not telling me what you think!” You need to look at me so I can tell if your telling the truth
So we talked, all while looking at each other. She knew when she was making me uncomfortable and relished every moment. This went on for several months, and I could tell that these conversations were changing me. Janet could see that I had bigger things to do. It’s safe to say that she was preparing me for the rest of my life.
As the years passed, my appreciation for Aunt Janet grew. I felt her love and wisdom irregardless of where I was or what I was doing.
Two weeks ago I stopped by her home. She sat on the edge of her bed reminiscing, at one point saying “I’ve had a good life.” Upon saying this Nancy said, “yes you have mom, and you have a great family too!” The expression on Janets face changed every so slightly, while she slowly lifted her head and said “mostly”. With a small grin coming across her face. Even in her final days she stayed true to herself, or as my dad used to say, she has quite the personality.
Let me end my comments with this thought written by Donna Ashworth… I’m most certain that Janet helped in the editing process!
"When I go, don't learn to live without me; just learn to live with my love in a different way.
And if you need to see me, close your eyes, or look in your shadow when the sun shines. I'm there. Sit with me in the quiet, and you will know I did not leave. There is no leaving when a soul is blended with another. When I go, don't learn to live without me; just learn to look for me in the moment. I will be there." by Donna Ashworth
"Helping others to find their compass." by Gene