Just Be You! Why Not?
Easy to say, tough to do, so many people say, or ya right, as the eyes glaze over. But, it's complicated, is the most logical answer. And would you believe me if I told you it is the challenge of your lifetime?
When I first became a supervisor of people, I did a ton of research, looking for the best information I could find on how to be the best at my chosen profession. It turns out that I am a student of people and life. It all comes from listening to and watching my father as I grew up.
Early on, my dad told me this story about kids. It went like this; if you gather a group of children, give them a ball, and ask them to play, they will. Most importantly, they will divide the group into halves, ensuring equal talent. Their goal will always be to play and have fun rather than win. Everything changes when a parent or child comes with "rules."
This story tells us a lot about ourselves at a young age. A group of kids, comprised of individual little people, all willing and able to present themselves as just being THEM! So what happens as we age?
Ralph Waldo Emerson's most famous quote:
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
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We grow up conditioned to see the world as others see it. Accepting whatever because, as you know, you can't or don't know how to change anything or even make a difference. We go through a natural evolution until the 7th or 8th grade, as most of us are developing who we will be. First, parents play a prominent role in influencing how their kids think and what to believe is right and wrong. Then the education system, if it's working correctly, starts to broaden their horizons, making them aware of what is essentially a new world. And if the system is working, they will excel in critical thinking and their ability to handle diverse situations.
What's at issue in this transformation is that we slowly and quietly lose our safe spaces. A good start at defining a safe space is when you have someone you can talk to, be stupid with, and they'll still love and care for you. In other words, this space is absent of someone "telling you" what or how you should think or that you are right or wrong! As a result, we naturally tend to turn inward when faced with adversity until we reach a higher level of maturity. All of this will confuse us regarding our identity, who we are, and how we want to act.
I was blessed to have Jerry as my first official Manager in the corporate world. I was a technician in a laboratory; he was the engineering manager. Every morning Jerry would stop and look at the control charts we used to monitor the manufacturing processes. If I were there plotting data, he would ask, "How are you doing today? I would always say, "OK, I think." He would reply, what do you mean you think, don't you know?" And he would stand there, waiting to talk to me. I know you may find this hard to believe, but I was pretty shy and slightly introverted then, never feeling confident about my value. In short, Jerry created a safe place for me, first at the control chart table; later on, in conversation after conversation, he helped form and build me; he became my teacher.
As complicated as this seems, it is never too late to accept and act out "just being you!" Some elements that I found helpful as I managed to make the transition:
Take some time and write down an inventory of what you feel are personal traits that are important to you, things like openness, honesty, generosity, sincerity, open-mindedness, brave, etc.
Take some time to think about your friendships, looking for people who fit into your safe space.
Learn how to pick your battles. When you disagree and are outside your safe place, ask questions for clarity. Always be careful asserting yourself in a situation where you can't indeed affect any change. For me, this was the hardest lesson of all. Asking questions will help to identify the views that are different than yours. Then you can have further discussions with them if you are interested. Less is more is an excellent way to think about your conversations in these situations.
Be curious about other people's opinions. Ask why seven times in a row; it will drive people crazy while growing everyone's understanding and respect.
Work on yourself, and become the most well-rounded person in your chosen areas of interest.
Modern-day quotes:
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Bernard M. Baruch
"Follow your heart, listen to your inner voice, stop caring about what others think.". Roy T. Bennett
"Don't compromise yourself - you're all you have.". John Grisham
"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everyone will respect you.". Lao Tzu
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself. Harvey Fierstein
"You were born to stand out, stop trying to fit in.". Roy T. Bennett
Gratitude blog: https://blog.gratefulness.me/be-yourself-quotes/